By Neel Agrawal

I’m back. I mean, it isn’t like anybody noticed I had left, but anyways. It is becoming a bit of a tradition now. At the end of every year I come back to share some of my “gyaan” with you guys. Although I finally understand how pretentious it sounds when I say “Self-Help Journey” or “Quest For Improvement,” 2020 has been another productive year for me, and I wanted to share some of my main takeaways with you all- under a less pretentious title. Here are my top 3:

1. Learn to like yourself.

After my IGCSEs got cancelled, I had the longest holiday since I was an infant: 4 months. More importantly, I was old enough at this point to actually learn to discipline myself because I knew I was never going to get the opportunity ever again. The CoVid-19 situation made it such that I couldn’t go down to play or hangout with my friends. I was mainly just stuck in the house, just my family and me. 

What I learnt was that I actually quite enjoy being myself. It was peaceful. I know it sounds sad, but I finally made the connection that I don’t need other people to survive. Sure, having my parents, brother, grandparents, extended family, and friends really does enrich and improve my life, but in the worst case scenario, I can make it by myself. 

And trust me, that’s a crucial thing, because you don’t know it, but the only person you will actually spend your entire life with isn’t your wife or your husband, it’s with yourself. You are with your mind 24-7, 365.

In school, I have been terrified to be alone. To walk to the bathroom or water cooler alone. To go home alone. To not find a partner in a group project. Why? My theory is that I was always fixating on only all the bad stuff: did people like me or not, how I stacked up in comparison to others, etc. My realization was that I should always carry yourself with pride. Don’t be scared to be alone. Enjoy the company of yourself. 

But never forget, that just because you like yourself, does not mean that you should believe you’re flawless. You haven’t gained complete mastery of every good quality out there, so don’t stop grinding. This brings me to my next point.

2. Stop complaining. 

I think this is something that again, is so relatable. Today with all our capitalist comforts, everyone just enjoys slacking off and making comments like “Man, I’m too tired, I’m not going to study today” or “I don’t feel like going for that run I told myself I would go for, so I won’t.” 

Here’s the deal. Instant gratification will always be whispering in your ear, especially when things get tough, and you get tired. Always. And in that moment, when you want to give up, don’t. Keep going. If you feel tired, and don’t want to study or run, do it anyway. Of course, if you’ve been tired for a couple days or weeks, or have had a tiny niggle bothering you for a while, and you think you need some rest, then okay. Take it. But don’t let exhaustion become a habit or a scapegoat.

“And in that moment, when you want to give up, don’t. Keep going.”

Every time exams came around, I wouldn’t study properly, and then I would try to compete with everyone else on who was the least prepared. It was funny at the time, but looking back on it, I’m ashamed of myself. Why wasn’t I giving in my 100%? Why was I patting my own back for not doing what was expected of me? What was wrong with me?

I used to just want to be the best of the average, not the uncommon of the uncommon people. I just wanted results, but without any of the effort. Again, I found a simple fix. Stop thinking in that way. I called my hypocrisy out. I took ownership. Extreme ownership. So I got out of bed for the first time. I went for that run. I stopped telling myself that tiredness was an excuse – instead, I turned towards action.

I realised that I had to stop being so vague about my goals. I needed to get precise. I needed to get exact. I needed to express whatever I wanted to express, in as few words and as efficiently as possible. The method I adopted to achieve this is yet again, simple: Writing things down. 

Go and find a spare notebook. You have a goal? How are you going to achieve it? Don’t say you’ll do it through “hard work,” because that’s a given. You need to identify the specifics. How are you going to make time to work on this project? What time are you going to wake up? What are you doing on Monday? What are you doing on Tuesday? List it out. Who all can help you in this? Find out. 

Do your research. Write down those names.

3. Watch Jocko Willink and David Goggins.

Jocko and Goggins are my heroes. Everything I’ve listed out above, much of what I’ve learnt this year, is largely due to their influence. Before you just listen to 2 minutes of them and pass them off as “motivational crap,” I implore you to listen and get to the root of what they are saying: Discipline equals freedom.

They reinforce the fact that yes, if you have a dream, sure you need to focus on the “big picture,” but what really matters is what you do every single day. “Repetition everyday,” as Goggins screams while doing pull-ups, or “The clock is ticking,” as Jocko says. But even more than that, they emphasize on how discipline isn’t about going running everyday, but more like despite stopping for a couple days because you were on holiday,  you just picked up from where you left off. You didn’t use it as an excuse to give up.

Their advice is so straightforward, so well organized and delivered. Everytime I’m unsure of what to do, I listen and get confirmation on the way I need to handle the situation. Everytime I’m tired and don’t want to do the work, they help me to get back on the grind. They help you to act on what you already know you should be acting on. In the words of some guy on YouTube, “There is no man that motivates me more [than Jocko].”

Just for the record, my own execution of these points isn’t the best, and I’m still a work in progress. But I’m just happy I’m on the journey, and I would like to think I’ve encouraged you guys into at least considering implementing what I’ve been talking about. I wish you all the best if you wish to pursue these ideals. I hope to write again, sooner rather than later. Stay strong and sober my friends.