By Osheen Khurana

*Disclaimer: This article is an opinion piece, and the thoughts reflected within it are those of the author. This should not be considered scientific, nor a substitute for professional mental help or guidance.

What is beauty, really? Is it what we see in magazines and large department stores? Or on our phones, as we spend hours scrolling aimlessly through social media? Or perhaps, just maybe, is it what we see in the mirror every day? Beauty is a vast and multifaceted concept, a construct comprising an array of influences, ranging from cultural to economic. However, one thing that most people can agree on, is that beauty is exhausting. Exhausting in its rigidity, exhausting in its exclusivity and exhausting in its (un)achievability. In a world where a measuring stick is constantly held up to our faces, be it in counting the number of likes on our posts or the roses we get at MUN, beauty has become an unspoken competition that we all pretend doesn’t exist. But it does. 

A bleak beginning, I know. But realizing (or rather admitting) the existence of the rat race we’ve tossed ourselves into is the first step to acknowledging the pervasive harm and pressure that beauty standards cause. Despite whether we agree upon it or not, the statistics speak for themselves. All over the world, the number of people, especially teenagers, struggling with body dysmorphia and eating disorders is higher now than it has ever been. The harm beauty standards do is real, but have we ever wondered why they are so damaging? 

The answer is this: our adherence to the beauty standard links strongly to our sense of self-worth. While that may seem like a no brainer, for us humans, our self-worth is what we guard most fiercely. It is also why the emotion we fear the most is shame – the feeling of being unworthy in some way. Our conformity to the beauty standard, and our refusal to admit our conformity to the said standard, are both products of our crippling aversion to shame. In any institution that thrives on an unfair distribution of power, shame is a tool used to manage people (Brown, 2012) and ‘keep them in their place’ – and beauty is no different. It relies on comparison and ignominy. When adherence to the beauty standard promises acceptance, or more importantly, an absence of rejection, who wouldn’t want to adhere to it? It is an exploitation of our human nature to crave approval, and by extension, to feel worthy. However, as much as I would love to, I can’t take credit for this revelation – there are people before me who’ve constructed multi-billion dollar industries with this knowledge. But before you feel too hopeless, there is good news. What the beauty standard needs most isn’t money or fashion shows, it’s you. 

Without followers, there are no leaders. It is important to realise that in the same way, when we follow the beauty standard, we validate it. This validation and support is what breathes life into the intangible thing we call conventional beauty. And thus a lack of the same endorsement is what dismantles its control. In the pressure to conform, we’ve forgotten our power to question and reject. I must clarify that caring about your appearance isn’t wrong in any way. But rather, the intention behind these actions is what we must become conscious of. Are we working out because we love our body, or hate it? Are we wearing makeup in an effort to hide our flaws, or create an appearance that feels most true to us and our identities? The issue with the beauty standard isn’t the desire to be beautiful in itself, but rather how restrictive and unrealistic its definition of beauty is. Disengaging from the beauty standard and refusing to accept its rules is what allows for sunlight to peek through the turbulent clouds of inner conflict. It is this rejection that will make space for self-acceptance and self-love. I would be naive to say you and me rejecting the beauty standard would change the world, but it would change the way we saw the world and ourselves and isn’t that revolutionary on its own?

Beauty is a battle. It is a daily unspoken struggle for most, a climb without a summit in sight. It is a mirage of perfection we cling desperately to, in the hope that it will allow us to finally feel like we are enough. But we must understand that we are already enough. As cliche as it sounds, our flaws and imperfections add to our beauty, not redact from it (and who said they were flaws anyway?). So what is beauty, you ask? It is unconditional, instead of circumstantial. It is diverse, coming in all shapes and sizes and colours, instead of one-size-fits-all. As difficult as changing our perception of beauty will be (and trust me, it won’t be easy), we’ve spent far too long living in a cage that we’ve been told is ‘beauty’. It’s time to do beauty the right way. 

—

Citation

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead, Penguin Publishing Group.